


Once in Twenty Lifetimes

by hannahetesta



Category: A Curse So Dark and Lonely - Brigid Kemmerer
Genre: Alternate Scene, F/M, Fluff, Smut, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:53:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25537624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahetesta/pseuds/hannahetesta
Summary: An alternate scene from A HEART SO FIERCE AND BROKEN. Instead of sitting and talking, what if Grey and Lia Mara did more when he climbed through her window? Shameless smut and fluff ahead.
Relationships: Grey/Lia Mara (A Curse So Dark and Lonely)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	Once in Twenty Lifetimes

**Author's Note:**

> I had no plans to write this. But here we are.
> 
> This is inspired by orphan_account's story "I search for your dark side (but what if I'm right here)", and is for my new Cursebreaker friends on Discord. You guys have been so welcoming and supportive and I can't thank you enough for that. <3

My words hang in the air between us, the full weight of them almost tangible as comprehension dawns on me.  _ You could stay.  _ It promises more than the stolen moments we shared mere days ago, more than the heated kisses on the veranda. It sends a shiver through me, and Grey pulls me closer, his hands still firmly on my waist.

“Do you wish me to?” he asks.

I nod, my breath catching as he kisses me. My fingers find the lacing at the front of his tunic, and if I were braver, I would pull until it comes undone and rid him of it entirely. My hands are shaking, though, and Grey has them clasped in his own, his lips against my knuckles.

“Lia Mara?”

“I’m sorry.” I duck my head, my cheeks uncomfortably warm. If I were Nolla Verin, I would use this to my advantage. I would look up at him through my eyelashes with a coy smile and then lead him to the bed, confident and deliberate and irresistible. 

But I am not my sister, a fact my mother reminds me of constantly. Now, more than ever, I understand why she does. 

“Lia Mara.” Grey pushes my long hair behind my ears, tilting my face up. “What do you want?”

It’s a simple question, but there are so many answers I could give. I want to be rescued, I want to leave Syhl Shallow, I want to travel somewhere safe with just him. I want to lean into him again and forget the rest of the world exists. I want his hands on my waist again...and then I want them to roam over every inch of my skin.

I take a shuddering breath. “It does not matter what I want, Grey.”

His eyes darken. “Do you truly believe that?”

“I’m not so sure I do anymore,” I admit. I half expect my mother to fling the door open to punish me for saying as much. 

Grey brings one of my hands to his chest, holding it there; his heart beats steadily beneath my fingers. “I gave you my word. I will do as you ask, my lady.” He pauses, exhaling. “I only wish our circumstances were not so dire.”

I try to rid myself of the self-deprecating thoughts that have been swimming in my head all day and step closer. “I...I want you, Grey.”

He gently squeezes my hand. “I don’t want to take advantage of you.” He brings my fingers to his lips, kissing the tip of each one. 

“You won’t. I promise.” My eyes wander down to his lips, briefly picturing the way they’d feel on my shoulders, my chest, my stomach...I steel myself, swallowing hard. “I want this.”

“Are you absolutely sure, my lady?”

My arms wrap around his neck in response, and I stand on my toes to kiss him, feeling him melt against me. His fingers tangle in my hair, his lips drawing something out of me, something that sends heat across my skin and leaves me aching for him to slip his hands beneath my sleeping shift. I’m as close to him as I can physically be, and somehow that still isn’t nearly close enough. 

My fingers inevitably find his tunic lacing again, and this time I don’t hesitate. It takes a moment because I’m shaking so badly, but he’s patient with me, pulling it over his head when I finish. 

The romance novels I’ve read have somewhat prepared me for this, but I suck in a breath all the same. It’s not the refined muscles that have my full attention, although they do make me pause for a moment. I’m more focused on the numerous scars marking his chest and shoulders, most tiny and white from healing, a handful still fresh from our journey to Syhl Shallow. 

_ His back...stars, what if he’s hurt again? _

“My lady?” His voice brings me out of my thoughts. 

“Your back…” I bite my lip. “I don’t want to hurt you if…”

“You could never hurt me, Lia Mara.” 

I make sure that I touch him as gingerly as I can, my hands resting on his forearms. I allow myself to really,  _ really _ take him in. Whatever I’d been imagining was underneath his finery did not account for seeing him up close. “ _ Fell bellama _ ,” I murmur, and when I hear him laugh, I feel my face heat up.

“You’ll have to teach me more Sysallah,” he says, one hand pushing my hair behind my back. I gasp when his lips find the skin just below my ear.

“Did you have anything in mind?” I ask, my voice breathless as he kisses down to my neck.

“Not at the moment.” He breathes in. “I’ll think of something.”

I grin, despite myself.  _ You beautiful idiot _ .

He raises his head. “Is it alright if I see you? All of you?”

All of me. His words send a strange thrill through my stomach as I turn around, moving my hair over my shoulder. I twist a few strands as he unties the back of my shift, my heart pounding. I slide it off until I’m bared to my waist, slowly turning to face him again. I’ve seen myself countless times in the mirror, but now I wonder how he sees me. I wonder if he wishes I were smaller, or less pale, or -

“Silver hell.”

I fight the urge to cross my arms, because if there’s one thing my mother has ingrained into my head since childhood, it’s to be confident in your appearance. Never let on that you feel inferior, especially in front of a man. Stay in control, no matter what. I stand a bit taller and square my shoulders, daring him to look me in the eye. “Don’t tell me this is the first time you’ve seen a naked woman,” I hear myself saying.

Grey licks his lips, his eyes falling to my chest. “It is.” I must be making a face, because he adds, “Did you think otherwise, my lady?”

All the bravado I had a second ago drains out of me. “I…” I feel pinned in place. “I didn’t mean to make assumptions. I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t look offended as he moves closer. “You wouldn’t be the first to think that.”

“So you’ve never courted anyone…”

“I said I have never seen a naked woman,” he replies, his gaze wandering below my eyes again. He clears his throat. “Forgive me, I don’t mean to -”

I grab his hand and place it in the center of my chest, my heart beating furiously. We’re silent for a moment before he tentatively brings his other hand up, the heat of his palms sending gooseflesh prickling along my arms. It’s not until his thumb brushes over my nipple that I break our silence with a groan, pushing myself against his hand. Both thumbs draw continuous circles against my skin as my breathing becomes heavier; his fingers are alternately pressing firmly and then barely at all, and I can’t decide which one is more maddening.

“Do you want me to keep going?” Grey asks, his voice rough. I nod, unable to form words as he kneels before me and takes my right breast in his mouth, his tongue mimicking his fingers. He holds me in place, my head tilting back as I try to keep my voice down, biting my lip and squeezing my eyes tight when it gets to be too much. 

Grey looks up at me before moving to kiss my stomach, his hands sliding down my waist to my hips. He presses a kiss on the small patch of skin right below my navel, the place where my sleeping shift still covers me. Having him this close to me makes my mouth dry, but I manage to tell him, “There’s something I’ve read about that I want to try. If it’s okay with you.”

He leans back a little, my hips still in his hands, one eyebrow arched. “What are you proposing, Lia Mara?”

My face is on fire and I can’t look at him directly, but I try to keep my voice steady. “I want your mouth…” I exhale, and before I can think twice, I let my shift pool at my feet. “I want your mouth here,” I say.

Grey stands again, his eyes a little wider. “I am...not as experienced as I could be. Are you sure you want to?”

“I am. I, ah…my romance stories have given me a good idea what to expect.” I bring his face to mine and kiss him, my body pressed against his, and I know by the way he holds me close that he wants to try this with me.

I lead him to the bed and he waits for me to situate myself. Lying here naked with him standing over me, seeing every inch of me, is a terrifying and thrilling experience. Once I’m comfortable on my pillows, he takes off his boots and climbs over me, his weight on his hands. He makes his way from my mouth to my stomach, fingers and lips leaving a trail of fire in their wake, and once he parts my thighs, he pauses and looks at me, and all I manage is a breathy, “Please, Grey.”

He slowly kisses the inside of my thighs, and when it feels like I might lose my mind with impatience, his mouth is on me, followed by his tongue, and I’m completely lost for a moment. 

Once I can think a little clearer, I look down at Grey and gently take his face in my hands. “Could you try moving to the left?” I ask. “My left,” I add, his tongue running over me in a way that makes me arch my back. Grey is receptive when I tell him what I like, and each time I ask if he’s okay. He closes his eyes and nods, and I catch him watching me when his tongue goes deeper and I have to work to stay quiet. He groans when I tug at his hair, and I feel the vibration on my skin, making me shiver.

Eventually I ask Grey to move up and lay beside me for a bit. “You’re okay?” he asks, stroking my hair.

I nod. “I...I’ve done more than read,” I tell him. “And you’re very good at this. But I don’t think you’ll be able to…” I trail off, staring at his chest. “I know myself better than you at the moment.”

He doesn’t take offense. He kisses me and asks, “What do you need me to do?”

While I tell him to pay attention to my breasts, one of my hands dips between my legs, and the world narrows to the growing tension within me. Grey’s mouth on my skin and my own fingers are enough to push me to the edge, but what tips me over is when Grey suddenly moves to my ear and whispers, “You look beautiful, Lia Mara.” 

My back arches again and I’m barely able to keep my voice down, and all too soon I’m laying spent with the space between my legs still pulsing. Grey keeps his eyes on my face, one of his hands drawing small circles on my stomach. “Did you mean that?” I ask him.

It’s almost too dark to tell, but his cheeks are a bit darker as he nods. “I would like to do this myself one day, if you’d allow it.”

It’s my turn to blush as his words sink in. “It will take some...more of this. It took me months before I was able to…” I clear my throat. “I would like to try with you, though, Grey.”

He takes me in his arms and kisses me softly, and I notice he’s moving around quite a bit. “Did you want to keep going?” I ask.

He sighs. “If my lady permits it.”

I place a hand on his cheek, my thumb tracing his bottom lip. “She does.”

In a flurry of movement, Grey discards the rest of his clothes, careful not to put his full weight on me as he adjusts himself. I take his hand and tell him it’s best if he makes sure I’m ready before we do anything, so it won’t be painful. He pushes in one finger, and my eyes flutter close from the feeling. He pushes in a second, and it takes a moment for it to feel somewhat normal before I let him know I’m ready.

We’re tangled in my bedsheets at this point, and Grey is as careful as ever, gently holding my back as he pushes himself into me. He gives me time to adjust, waiting for me to say he can move, and even then it’s slow and deliberate, as if he wants to prolong these stolen moments we’ve been given. His head drops to my neck for a bit, branding his lips against my jaw, and then he raises it again, checking in with how I’m feeling. I keep my hands on his shoulders and in his hair, careful not to wrap them around the sensitive skin of his back, loving the way my stomach jumps each time he moves.

Grey begins to lose himself after a few moments, his thrusts a little faster and his breathing more erratic. He keeps his head buried in the crook of my shoulder, mumbling something I’m unable to make out. Knowing that I can make him this euphoric makes me feel a pang in my chest. I kiss his cheek and whisper, “It’s alright, Grey. Let go.”

And he does. He holds himself within me as he groans, long and low, until he moves to collapse beside me in bed. I expect him to fall asleep, or perhaps stand and get dressed - my mother has made it no secret that men care only about their own needs - but to my pleasant surprise, he moves back over to me, wrapping me in his arms and kissing my forehead. “How are you feeling, my lady?” he asks, still slightly out of breath.

“Content,” I say. I push his hair off of his damp forehead. “Are you alright?”

He nods. “I just need another moment.” He grows quiet, thoughtful. “Do you still wish me to stay?”

“I do.” I nuzzle my head against his chest. “This is the safest I’ve felt in weeks.” 

He presses his lips to the top of my head. “I meant what I said at the inn. No one will touch you again.”

“What are you doing right now, then?” I say it jokingly, but when he doesn’t reply, I’m afraid I’ve offended him. I raise my head to find him fighting a smile.

“I shouldn’t find that as funny as I do,” he admits, and I laugh.

“How about I make it up to you? I have leftover sugarplums we can eat in a bit, if you’d like. And...perhaps we could just stay here and talk?” 

“About what?” He’s looking at me, genuinely curious.

“About anything.” I rest my forehead against his. “I’m just glad you’re here, Grey.”

The world may be on the brink of collapse outside my bedroom window, and who knows what my mother has planned when dawn breaks. For now, I choose not to worry about any of it. For now, Grey is here, his arms around me and his lips on mine, and that is enough.


End file.
